Effective Parenting: The Power of Punishment, Consequence, and Reward System
March 12, 2025
By: David Feyitmi, Community Health Ambassador
Across cultures, parenting is a mixed bag. It is an experience. It is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and continuous learning. In a more diverse society like ours, parents often face the dilemma over the method of discipline to be used to guide their children’s behaviour.
To the discerning parent, punishment, consequence, and reward play significant roles in shaping a child’s character and behaviour. This article takes a deeper look into these concepts, exploring their benefits, drawbacks, and how to strike a balance for effective parenting.
Punishment
Punishment has been a traditional method of disciplining children for generations. It involves imposing a penalty or negative consequence for undesirable behaviour. The primary goal of punishment is to deter the child from repeating the same behaviour in the future.
Punishment takes several forms and may include physical punishment (e.g., spanking), verbal punishment (e.g., scolding), and deprivation (e.g., taking away privileges). Each type has its own set of implications and effectiveness.
However, punishment, especially physical or harsh verbal punishment, does have negative effects. It may lead to fear, resentment, and damage to the parent-child relationship. Additionally, it does not necessarily teach the child why the behaviour is wrong or what the appropriate behaviour should be but may lead to creating a monster of a child when he or she is accustomed to punishment as a normal and expected reaction from the parents. It is worth stating that The city of Toronto postulated that Positive Parenting “is how you guide and teach your child in a way that protects and socializes them to have self-control, be independent, and respect themselves and others.”
Consequence, on the other hand, is a more logical and modern approach to discipline that focuses on teaching children about the outcomes of their actions.
Consequence
Natural consequences occur without any intervention from the parent. For example, if a child forgets or declines to go to school with his lunch pack, she will feel the fang of hunger. This type of consequence allows the child to learn from his or her own experiences.
Logical consequences, on the other hand, are imposed by the parent but are related to the behavior. For instance, if a child messes up the dining table, a logical consequence would be having them clean it up. This method helps children understand the link between their actions and the results. As parents, we should use more consequences, particularly logical ones to foster a sense of responsibility and understanding in children.
Reward System
The reward system approach is based on the principle of positive reinforcement, which involves providing incentives for desirable behaviour. Rewards can range from praise and attention to tangible items like toys or extra screen time or a visit to the cinema.
Rewards can be categorized into intrinsic (internal satisfaction) and extrinsic (external incentives). Intrinsic rewards, such as feeling proud of oneself, are often more sustainable overall. Extrinsic rewards, on the other hand, can provide immediate motivation.
Using rewards can be highly effective in encouraging and reinforcing positive behaviour. It creates a positive and motivating environment, helping children understand what behaviours are appreciated and desired.
However, the reward system has its own drawbacks. Over-reliance on extrinsic rewards can lead to dependency, where the child only behaves well to receive a reward. It is important to balance extrinsic rewards with intrinsic motivation to foster genuine good behaviour.
Conclusion
Age Appropriateness is also important. Parents must tailor the discipline method to the child’s age and developmental stage. What works for a toddler may not be suitable or necessarily work for a teenager. Parents should endeavour to maintain a strong, positive relationship with their children. Discipline should not harm the bond between parent and child. Parents should be the role model for their children.
In a diverse society like ours, effective parenting is an ever-evolving practice that requires flexibility, patience, and love. By understanding the strengths and weaknesses of each approach, parents can create a nurturing environment that promotes growth, learning, and positive behaviour in their children.
References: www.toronto.ca/community-people/children-parenting/pregnancy-and-parenting/parenting/positive-discipline/